Thursday, September 14, 2006

broken heart

Today 4:20:

Sam: "Mom, why do you always wait for me to get off the bus?"

Me: "Because I like seeing you get off the bus. And I like waiting for you."

Sam: "I don't want you to wait for me anymore."

Me: "Why?"

Sam: "I want to come into the house all by myself. Like all the other kids do."

Me: Silence and a broken heart that it has started. Complete independence. I just wanted to cry.


Ed said...

Oh my love. If you only knew how much you being out there shows how much you love him. There is such a fine line of allowing him that independence of a schoolage boy. Between good/just enough freedom and lack of interest. Who knows what the other kids go home to. An empty house or an uncaring parent? Or, to parents that are giving their kids larger boundaries. I know that there are kids on the bus, though, that think, "I wish my mom met me at the bus."

Jean said...

You balm my aching heart. Thank you for standing next to me and encouraging my hurt heart. I love you.

Cheeky said...

Oh Jean. These boys will break our hearts over and over again, just like we break our heavenly father's heart. Just keep loving him the way God loves us when we're stubborn or naughty or heartbreakingly independent as well. Maybe you can love him just as much from inside the big picture window of your house until he realizes how long and lonely that walk from the bus to the house is and asks you to meet him outside again? Oh, I just ache thinking about this moment when it happens to me, but at the same time I can imagine a sense of contentment knowing I was successful in making him confident in my love for him so that he knows he can be away from me and he is still loved and not have to be clingy and scared and doubting and only feel loved when he's right there with me. Bittersweet their growing up and becoming confident in themselves--harder transitions on us than on them I think.

Carbon said...

Ouch. That stings. Maybe you can work out a deal that he gets to come home 1-2 times by himself and the other times you come to pick him up? (I don't know how far away the bus stop is from home, just making a suggestion)

Your hubby is right. When we take our kids to the park, I see many children there alone and they instantly come and try to hang out with us and our children. We always feel bad that their parents aren't there cuz they so want to have them around I'm sure.

Kassi said...

Awww...that's so heartbreaking. Tooter starts preschool on Monday...I know those words will be escaping her mouth soon enough..

heather said...

oh, jean. i'm so sorry. i remember thinking (if not saying) these things to my mom. but i tell you, i didn't really MEAN them. i WANTED to be independent, but i'll never forget one day (in high school, mind you) that i came home from school and my mom wasn't there. i thought i was going to burst into tears because i counted on her being there (even though i usually gave her the cold shoulder when she was there).

i also want to reiterate what Jenna said - that this shows you how well you have loved Sam. It shows that he is confident in your love for him and doesn't have to cling on to you to be reassured that you love him. this is good.

will be praying your heart heals.

Jean said...

I agree is a much harder transition on us than them. They're just living life. We're the ones responsible to teach them how to live. I know this is just the beginning and eventually, some day, he'll be on his own. And I know that that is going to happen way to fast.

One thing Sam is not, is clingy. He wants to do EVERYTHING on his own and I make myself sit back and wait for him to ask for help, in which some cases he does. Other cases he is bound and determined to figure stuff out and I just have to sit back and let him. It's hard, but it's good to see that he doesn't give up either.

Thanks Heather and Jenna. :)

Maki: I asked him this morning if I could meet him at the bus stop and with a big smile on his face he said yes. That made my day. I may do a couple days where I'll sit on the steps and wait for him. He gets off at the end of the driveway...not to far.

Kas: what are you going to do with yourself with Toots in school? Is a job coming forth?

Cheeky said...

The other thing I wanted to say was that you are doing a great job at forging a trusting relationship where Sam feels able to communicate his feelings with you HONESTLY, especially when it's something heartbreaking to you. That is HUGE and if you can continue to keep that level of honesty and those lines of communication open through the teenage years, you'll both come out with a lot less issues and baggage on the flip side.

No, Sam's never been clingy. I joke about my kids being "Klingons"...and sometimes they are. And sometimes that makes me feel good, but 90% of the time it does not. It's all about raising a child in the way HE should go, not imposing my will and control over him--that's when we both get frustrated and stressed out.

You can always do some "Love and Logic" on him and give HIM the choice of where HE wants you to be when he gets off the bus--and add in some silly ones. For instance "when you get off the bus where would you like me to be? In the bathroom brushing my teeth? Right there at the bus stop holding a cookie for you to eat? On the steps picking my nose? In the kitchen making you a snack? Or in your room playing with your toys and bouncing on your bed?" (You're really only supposed to give them 3 choices--any more than that are sometimes too many) Liam has responded amazingly well to L&L, and it's FUN. They feel like they have some control but you're still in charge. Did I mention it's FUN!

Jean said...

Thanks Jenna. That means a ton.
It's so hard not imposing MY will onto him and I agree that that's when I get stressed out and frustrated as he's not doing things my way (and sometimes he needs to so he doesn't kill himself).
Thank you for the suggestions. Those are great! I need to think outside of the box sometimes as I'm so focused on doing things one way..