Sunday, August 06, 2006

no counting sheep here

So here it is. 11:32 p.m. I'm wide awake with no thoughts or visions of sleepy land anytime soon. My mind is going way to fast to slow down. I shouldn't have watched The Godfather II or maybe it was the first one. All's I know is that all the blood got to me and I'm actually afraid to close my eyes. I really don't like nights like these. Where my brain is ramping up scenarios of conversations that probably will never take place. Where feelings that I thought were dead and buried, resurface unannounced. Finding myself ensconced in an inner battle between who I believe God made me to be and the steep, slippery slope of who I know God did not create me to be. Realizing that it's easier to slide down the slope than follow my true Compass.

With midnight rapidly approaching, I hope to close my eyes and join the rest of the family in sweet, deep, peaceful slumber. To put these thoughts, feelings, ideas and images away for a few moments, to be brought back out in the light of day where I can fully see, with a non-sleep endused mind what God would have me do and what direction He points me in.


anne said...

I know there's nothing harder and worse than being awake in the middle of the night with a running mind. So frustrating as you have thoughts you don't normally think during the day. Are we more prone to 'attacks' during the night hours? Is it just the absence of light that makes us queasy?

At any rate, I sympathize.

Jean said...

I was thinking this morning that it's amazing that once my mind starts to wind down from the day and I start to relax, that's when the enemy jumps in and drudges up lots of crap that I struggle with. I can most definitely agree that darkness makes me queasy and very restless and nervous.

kassi said...

I've been having late nights as well...last night was 2:30 for me. However I am up bright and early...7:00 AM.

Jean said...

And how are you handling being up so late and early??