There's a battle waging inside of me. A mom battle. Last night Sam was telling me about one of his friends who's parents fight and yell at each other and slam doors. How his friend is so sad because of what is happening with his mom and dad and that they don't live together any more. It broke my heart in pieces. For this little boy. For his parents. Sam knows about divorce and separation. About so many things I never knew until I was older. I told Ed I don't want him to have to know these things! That he's only 7! I want to shelter him from the real world. I don't want him to even have to worry that what several of his friends go through and have gone through with their parents is going to happen to his mom and dad.
Then there's the other side of me that doesn't want him going into the world so naive that he won't know how to thrive or be able to care for others' hearts or how to make good choices.
It was an eye opening experience last night. I found out that he doesn't worry that Ed and I will get divorced. I explained to Sam that mom and dad do have disagreements but we always talk through things and figure it out. That we love each other very much.
I want this house and our marriage to be a sanctuary for our kids. A safe haven full of trust, joy, laughter. That here we can work through things and be respectful of each other no matter the age or difference. That we can always speak our minds without question. That Christ is evident in our actions and words. That when our kids are grown they will thrive in a world that will be so different than the world Ed and I grew up in. That they won't be scared of it but will go into it with confidence because of all they experienced and learned growing up in this family.