It has been a bit discouraging seeing and hearing people moving ahead with plans that have to do with their future, and sitting here not moving. People that I have been in contact with in WA are now packing and moving away now that their spouses are done with school. People that we have met are packing up and moving to WA to start school. We are neither packing nor moving. We're waiting. In limbo.
At times I feel like this verse:
"I am exhausted from crying for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes are swollen with weeping,
waiting for my God to help me." Ps. 69:3
When I see my husband leave every day to a job that sucks life out of him ounce by ounce, tears me up.
Cleaning the entire house for someone to come through and 6 minutes later leave and not like it.
Pinching pennies until they start to cry.
It's easy to slide down the despair slope, it goes fast and there is no end in sight.
During these times, I have to literally stick my feet out on each side of the slide to stop my emotions and thoughts from careening and pray. A thought provoking, detailed prayer comes out: "HELP!"
These are the verses my Rescuer gives to me.
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."
So I turn around and start climbing back up the slide. Not an easy task. There is a lot of slipping, bruised and cut knees from falling. Growing takes a lot of effort, sweat and hurt.
Our house isn't sold, but we believe we are obeying and have learned SO much more than we ever thought.
My husband's lifeless job is still there day after day, but I see where God has used him and continues to use him in others' lives.
The pennies are still crying, but we have not gone hungry and have seen God's hand provide for us through others in so many ways.
The last 3 months have been very long, but we will not give up. It's tempting to sit down and let the slide carry me. There is no answer yet, we are still in limbo and who knows what is going to happen. But I am thankful for this testing period. Joy in trials. What an oxymoron. What an awesome God.