my brain can't even wrap around what i want to write.
too tired to push the shift key to capitalize words.
it's fried.
and then some.
who knew vbs could take so much work!
some songs, crafts, throw in a bible story and that should do it.
right.
being on the parent side of it is so much easier than the planning side.
time to go rewrite some curriculum.
see you in a few weeks.
maybe.

more than just words

The other day I read these words which are a snipit from my friend Matt's most recent post.

I remember the day I killed the weeds.

It was after hearing my teaching pastor talk about forgiveness. He said that forgiveness is seeing the debt someone owes you and being willing to say “I’m not collecting.” That hit me deeply because that was my deal- I was still waiting to collect. I wasn’t plotting revenge through a series of menacing deeds but I held onto the debt the same. I just wanted it to be even. I wanted the scales of justice to balance out. I wanted my name cleared. I was waiting for a letter, an email, a phone call saying “I made a terrible mistake. I was wrong.” I would have settled for an “I’m sorry.”

In that moment, as those words rang both painful and hopeful in my ears, I made a decision- a decision that was as much simple as it felt impossible. I stopped collecting. Seriously. I’m not just saying that. In the midst of a bitterness that was choking the life right out of me, I stopped collecting. I felt the weeds that had been coursing through my heart die right then and there. I felt the cold roots of bitterness ripped from the earth. Through strength that was not my own, I completely freed my debtors. And that day, I myself was freed.

I've read over this portion many times and pondered his thoughts over the past days. I've been waiting to collect. For years.
But after reading Matt's words, it hit me square in the forehead. Bitterness has been literally choking the life out of me. Throw some anger and fury in the soil too and you've got a nice steamy place for lots of unhealthy things to grow. I've been holding hands deep in my soul with something that has been causing roots of bitterness to seep up into the rest of my being and into my heart.

I am praying that someday soon I will be able to truthfully say, "I'm not collecting. Or seeking justice. Or desiring my name to be cleared." To be free by only God's grace and strength.

So thank you Matt for your heart words.

To read the entire post and more of Matt's amazing writing, just click here.

Today I sit.
It is 12:00 and I am still in my pajamies.
I may hit a couple g-sales this afternoon, but then again, maybe not.
No plans.
No running around.
No work.
Just rest.
I may just stay in my pj's until dinner.
My body informed me last night that it needs a rest after 40+ hours at work this week and then home life intertwined with the MIL here and end of school.
So I need to listen or else a crash and burn ending will take place.
Very, very soon.
And nothing good could come of that.
I was in bed by 8:00.
So today I sit.
And rest.

cookbook and cookies

One of my all-time loves are cookbooks. I love the pictures. I love reading every recipe. I love when there are pictures OF the recipe outcomes.

Another of my loves is cookies. So many options, so yummy with milk, or ice cream, or warm, or by themselves. So over on Brown Eyed Bakers Blog, you can jump on the bandwagon to enter to win a cookie cookbook! What can be better than that?? It's the best of both worlds!

Head over here to enter!

through the years

One: we were such young pups starting a life together.
Two: you worked the split shift and I worked the night shift plus school.
Three: life seemed to get a bit more difficult.
Four: enjoyed adventures, camping, trips, friends and our little two bedroom apartment.
Five: our first child, first house, first new car.
Six: lots of laughter, bandages, surgeries.
Seven: we made it through the first six years.
Eight: our second child, second house.
Nine: many highs, many dreams, many adventures.
Ten: many lows, many tears, many breaks and cracks.
Eleven: a jumbled assortment of unanswered questions and non-happening events.
Twelve: thoughts, glimpses, possibilities.
Thirteen: massive change, massive move and massive life reconstructions.
Fourteen: blank pages waiting to be filled.

Fourteen years my love. I would not change any of it. These years have shaped us beyond what we ever expected. I love you so much more, so much deeper, more fully than I did the year we said I DO. We've been through hell. We've gazed at the sky on the peaks. We've changed. I would do it with none other. I am blessed to have taken your name. It represents so much dirt, tears, laughter, heartache, change, yearning, challenge, tenderness, adventure, love and hope. You are my soul mate. My life partner. My lover. My closest friend.

I love you. Happy Anniversary my love.

The Rivers Run Dry by Sibella Giorello

The latest book review for Thomas Nelson is called The Rivers Run Dry by Sibella Giorello.

Special Agent Raleigh Harmon is an FBI agent who is sent to Seattle from the South and has been assigned to a case involving a missing woman. While learning her new roll, a new city and surrounding areas, and how to take care of her mother while living with her eccentric aunt, you begin learning much about this strong yet struggling woman.

With lots of twists and turns and great usage of descriptive words, the pages come alive with sounds and smells of the Pacific Northwest.

I really enjoyed this book. The style of writing was amazing as the author's pen seemed to flow easily describing the Seattle area.
There was no romance what so ever and honestly, it wouldn't have fit in this book. There was no God fluff or over usage of God. It was just the right balance.
It's possible that some who pick books apart would be able to figure out who-dun-it well before the book was finished, but it wasn't until the end that I figured it out.

A very good read and I look forward to the next book in the series.

Today is the first time I've been able to sit down in weeks to put words to thoughts rolling around in my noggin.

We had a very fast 10 day trip back to MI. 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents, visiting our previous church and seeing many familiar faces, Pride and Prejudice midnight tea party, potluck with friends, staying up late several evenings in a row, two sick kids on different days, and lots and lots of hugs. It was a great trip.

Coming back was much harder than I expected. Walking into church/work three hours after stepping off the plane and not recognizing many faces was difficult. Monday I made a call back to MI. She picked up the phone and the first thing she said was, "how'd your first day back go." I could barely squeak out, "hard". I said that I waited to call her while I was driving as one can't cry while driving.

It's crazy how going back everything was familiar, but distantly familiar. We drove by our old house. Seeing it sparked nothing in me. We did stop and talk to our old yellow farm house neighbors and also so our kids could see their guy "Little Sam". It was like old times, catching up and easy conversations.

How weird it was that Seattle seemed so far away, in the past while in Michigan. And jumping into life in MI was like second nature. Then we left and jumped back into life here. Such a weird parallel.

I can now say that it's good to be back. Work is phenomenal and I love it. I'm looking forward to the next months.

Slowly life is settling. I thought we had settled a long time ago, but now looking back we were only just starting. It has taken so much longer to meet people and make friends. If it wasn't for my job I would know very few people. I think I had my expectations set very high so it's much farther to fall when those expectations haven't been met.

Before we left for MI, Ed finished his first official year of school. Summer classes started this week, but they are shorter and he will be done mid July with six glorious weeks off before year two starts. I am so proud of him for sticking through this year. It was not easy by any means. Emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Growing and learning are still taking place in him, in me and in us. And I would not trade it for anything. It has been the best choice we have ever made for us.

So life revs up again. School, work, scheduling, homework, trying to stay one step ahead of the laundry and dishes. Ahhhhhh life. Absolutely love it!

The Noticer

Thomas Nelson review for The Noticer by Andy Andrews.

A moving story of common wisdom from the bestselling author of The Traveler’s Gift.

Orange Beach, Alabama is a simple town filled with simple people. But they all have their share of problems – marriages teetering on the brink of divorce, young adults giving up on life, business people on the verge of bankruptcy, and many of the other obstacles that life seems to dish out to the masses.

Fortunately, when things look the darkest – a mysterious old man named Jones has a miraculous way of showing up. Communicating what he calls “a little perspective,” Jones explains that he has been given a gift of noticing things that others miss. In his simple interactions, Jones speaks to that part in everyone that is yearning to understand why things happen and what they can do about it.

Based on a remarkable true story, The Noticer beautifully blends fiction, allegory, and inspiration.

Perspective. With all the stories throughout this book, it all comes down to perspective. Do you see life as the glass being half full or half empty? In the Noticer, a simple man travels around encouraging people. Married people. People ready to end their lives. People thinking there is no hope for them. Yet a man named Jones comes along and shakes their world by using his words of encouragement and perspective and gives these people a spark of hope to start seeing life through a different glasses.

A very fast but encouraging read. A great book to have on the shelf.

This Easter has been different.

First off, it's the first Easter ever that I have had to work.
To leave the house when the kids are still sleeping.
To go to church and pray with staff before all the services start.
To greet and chat with different families.
To have the reminder every hour that He is risen indeed!

Secondly, we went down a side road for the traditional Easter feast.
It was just the four of us celebrating Christ today at our table.
We chose lamb to symbolize His death.
Resurrection Rolls to symbolize His life.
What great conversation arose because of the food we ate.

Lastly, we will be attending church in the evening instead of the morning.

It has been a very good Easter.
A very moving Good Friday.
A very good reminder this year, amidst non-traditions, that Jesus is alive.

He is alive and working in me.
In my husband.
In my kids.

He is risen. He is risen indeed!
For this, I am eternally thankful.

Spilling Hope

A teaser if you will....

one week in

So I've been a working mom for a week now. Boy has it changed our lives! I'm slowly learning how to plan ahead. And by slowly, I mean s.l.o.o.o.o.w.l.y. After being at home for 8 years and on my own time schedule, having a job outside the home is forcing me to organize our home life. "Forcing" being a good thing. I still need to get into the habit of planning a day ahead, if not more for how transportation is going to work (with having one vehicle and three places three people need to be). My next step is making lunches the night before. And if it was a morning like today, making a healthy, transportable breakfast that the kids can eat on the way. Yet another important step is planning ahead for meals by making a menu. I need to get back into this habit as it saves so much on grocery money as I'm an impulse buyer and NEED to stick to my list.

One of the greatest things about this job is the flexibility. I can't tell you the magnitude of relief at this. There are days and times that I need to be there no matter what, but other days, I can work around Ed and Sam's school schedules. It has worked out phenomenally. Lots of driving, but it all works out. Hey...I get to hold hands with my love more and chat with the kids about their days more as they are less distracted. It's a win win for sure!

There is still a LOT to learn and I've come home every day pretty tuckered out, but my brain is getting exercise and to not have a sit-at-your-desk job is the greatest thing ever for me. I get to talk to lots of people, play with kids and also have some down time to work on projects. Though our window-less office is down in the "dungeon" of one of the church buildings, there is a lot of laughter and conversation among co-workers.

It's been an amazing experience so far and I'm excited about what God is going to teach me through this job and those I come in contact with over the next months.

Tonight is Green and White!

Ed has more of a reason to root for green and white tonight as it is his Alma Mater, but MSU has a special place in my heart as well. It is where we had our first date, where Ed wanted to tell me he loved me (though was unsuccessful as I was over in the bushes heaving my dinner up because I was so nervous) and where he successfully proposed to me. So tonight our west coast home will be cheering for the guys in green and white! GO SPARTANS!

quench

When it rains, it pours. And it has been raining here a lot. Every day to be exact. I think the sun is a myth and the mountains are just tall tales that people talk about.

When it rains, it pours job wise too. I now have not one, but two jobs. Both of which work around each other perfectly. I received the offer call today for the job I applied for at our church. I'm filling in for the assistant director of the children's ministry through August as she will be on maternity leave. Training starts on Wednesday. I'm pretty geeked.

So after a long drought of countless applications and interviews, the floodgates have opened wide. Thank you to those who prayed and who gave glowing referrals.

And thank you Jesus for carrying us through the past months of drought and for getting wet with us as we navigate through the flowing waters.

Eight

Where does the time go?
You were such a little bundle being born at 7 pounds 1 ounce even with being six days late.
You were a huge trooper going through major surgery at three months old and handled it like a pro.



You flew through toddler hood so fast that before we knew it you were headed off to preschool.
You became a big brother and took your little sister under your wing with such tenderness and love.
You grew to love sports and the outdoors just like your dad.
You thrived in preschool, Kindergarten and 1st grade.




You learned to read, write and do math problems.
You grasped Jesus and gave your life to Him.








Here you are starting year eight.
So grown up. 100% boy.
Sports, your dad, food and friends are your world.
Homework is a nuisance, but you bear it.
You love loud. Loud guitars and loud drums.
Boyhood is slowly disappearing and being replaced by young manhood.
Yet you still give hugs and kisses at night along with I love you's.
Laughter is second nature along with crazy faces and burping.

Happy birthday Sam. I love you and look forward to what year eight brings to your life!

One thing I was looking forward to on our visit in Michigan next month was driving our old mint green Honda. I actually miss driving that old stick shift car.

But, alas, someone else decided to take it out. Out of commission that is.

Rest in peace Sweet Potato.



(no injuries to anyone except the other driver's wallet which had three tickets from the police added to it.)

365 days later

Interesting that exactly one year ago today, I was let go from my job of seven years (due to MI economy) that I thought I would have for years to come. We had planned on me having this job when we moved to Seattle. To continue to stay at home and earn an income.

Funny how things change.

So exactly one year later, to the day, I start a new job. It wouldn't have been my first choice, but beggars can't be choosers and if I'm wanting Jesus' choices to be my choices, it's not my choice anyway. So I stepped out into a very uncomfortable area. Despite the continuous teaching dreams last night, feeling like I was going to throw up this morning and waking up every hour after 3 a.m. afraid the alarm wouldn't go off, it was a good day.

I was called "weird" and "smart" in the same day. Go figure.

But after having a seven year old, I found there's a balance between mother and teacher in talking to 17 six and seven year old kids. Every single conversation of "well he did it first" or "it's not fair" or "you're not the boss of me" I've dealt with often in the walls of my home and could easily put on the mother hat and know how to handle the situation. Also, I think being pushed (thank you Anne) in leading tons of kids on Sunday mornings in music at our old church helped calm my uncomfortableness standing in front of those kids this morning. And a huge part was knowing people were praying (thank you to ALL OF YOU!!!)

I seriously think kids can smell a substitute teacher miles away. It was a constant battle to earn respect and listening ears with only a mere seven hours to do it when they won't see me tomorrow, or maybe ever again. By the end my mind and feet were so ready for 2:45.

There was great support in the other 1st grade teachers and the assistant principal One 1st grade teacher next door came and checked in a couple times and gave some suggestions on how to get the kids to quiet down. She was a huge God-send!!

So tonight I'm going to sit with my favorite man, eat a bowl of ice cream and sleep like a baby thanks to a good day of which I still was able to smile at the end of.

words from the wise

Me: Sam...I have to tell you that I'm a bit nervous teaching tomorrow. Should I be nervous?

Sam: Nope.

Me: Why?

Sam: Cause God's with you.

Me: Are you sure? Is he with you every day?

Sam: Yup. You should ask him if He's going to be with you.

Me: Do I need to close my eyes?

Sam: Naw.

Me: Do I need to say it out loud?

Sam: If you want to.

Me: (after closing eyes and praying): ok. He's going to be with me.

Sam: See? You don't need to be nervous. And just they're little kids. They won't beat you up.

Me: Thanks Sam.

Sam: Yup. No problem.

7:45 a.m.

Tomorrow starts a new adventure in my life. I will be officially venturing into the working world.

I got the call this afternoon that my teaching services are needed, so tomorrow morning, I report at 7:45 in one of the three 1st grade classrooms.

It has been exactly 10 years since I've been in the classroom. What a young pup I was back then during student teaching! And that makes me feel really old knowing college was 10 years ago.

I think subbing is one of the harder professions. At least the 1st day. You go in blind. You are by yourself. With 20 six and seven year olds. For eight hours.

Can they smell fear at that young of an age? :)

Actually, I'm not nervous at all. Sam said he'd show me the ropes as he's "worked the school for almost a year now".

Holy Hallelujah! I need to pack myself a lunch AND figure out what to wear other than jeans and a sweatshirt!

praying

Today two close friends are in mourning.
One for her father-in-law who passed away quickly last night.
Another for her four year old baby girl who after years of cancer, passed away early this morning.
So many aching hearts today.

Happy Orange Day to all!

You better believe I got pinched a lot for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day growing up, but when your Irish blood runs orange, one needs to bear the itchy pincers out there.

Even at an Irish Festival, you really stand out in orange among hundreds of greenery. And yes, you get the frowning eye or two. Thankfully no one pinched any of us. :)

I hope someday to take our kids to Northern Ireland and show them where their Papa grew up. To see the country that is a small part of them. To hear the amazing accents, taste the biscuits and array of crisps, see the hillsides dotted with sheep, and meet cousin upon cousin.

They have been taught young to love scones (and say it the correct, I mean, Irish way), enjoy fish and chips with vinegar (Sam drenches his fries with vinegar any chance he gets), eat salt and vinegar potato chips, and wear orange proudly on St. Patrick's Day. Maybe next we could throw dulse or mutton into the mixture.

So happy corned beef and cabbage day and wear your orange proudly!